The first death...






It is a little unexpected to see death in Obstetrics but when you get one, it gave a big blow to you.

Obstetrics is all about preggy mummies giving birth to little devils. I was recently sent to take care of one of the wards in the hospitals la, however, I have been floating in the ward for the past 3 weeks also. There will always be once in a week of me being in the ward. So, I knew this patient la for quite some time. She is admitted for foetal surveillance due to low AFI (having inadequate liquor in the womb). Her AFI has be dropping since the day she has been admitted. Since I am placed in the ward recently, I meet her more nowadays and yea, my talkative nature keeps most of my patient entertained.

So last Monday, my specialist decided to have her weekly scan. With the scan, we got to know that her AFI has dropped and after discussion with the consultant, we decided to induce her labour. She was going to be 34 weeks on 27th of September and that was our plan. It was a good timing la. So I prepared the consent forms for her induction and told her to ask her husband to come but the husband can only make it the next day.

The next day came and the husband arrives to the hospital. I explained to the couple on the risk of the induction and if it failed, we will be needing to send be caeser la. The husband questioned me of 1 thing, he said “Doctor, saya tak kisah la ape specialist nak cakap, ape doctor nak buat kalau ini isteri doctor? “   I was like, obviously proceed for induction dulu la kan. Why wanna have all the trouble of caeser with the complication and all, do normal delivery je. We just help bring down the baby faster. The couple agreed.

I was working night the other day and I wished her good luck for the next day as I will be on my off day. I literally hoped everything goes well.

So today morning, the first thing I did in the ward was to go and see her. I went to her cubicle and she was sitting on the bed, talking on the phone, I didn’t see the baby there. I showed her a thumbs up and a nod, she replied with a thumbs up as well with a smile of relieved. I was like, phewww, thank god all went well. Knowing it will be a premature baby, I expected la the baby to be in paediatrics department to be taken care properly off.  Saw the husband all happy and smiling, I shook his hand and congratulated him for the birth of the newborn.

During the rounds, it is a normal procedure that after 24 hours of delivery, you can go back home la. So we allowed her to go back home. While preparing for PM rounds, the nurse came to me and told me the bad news. “Doctor, patient doctor tu, yang AFI low and induced kan, yang nak balik *while mentioning her name*, baby die dah demised. They just balik from SCN”

I stood still. Like I literally just saw a ghost like that. Without realizing, a tear dropped from my eyes. Wiped it up, making sure no one saw that. I can’t continue with my job. I then saw the couple entering the ward and trying to settle their discharge forms to leave in order to settle the baby. I didn’t had the balls to even look at them.



Somehow, I felt responsible for what had occurred. Without knowing it, I felt guilty. Indirectly, it may be because of me this has occurred. I saw the husband again and I went to him, I hugged him and apologise for what has occurred and for the lost. He hugged me tightly for a moment. I then felt that my shoulder was wet, he was crying. I can’t imagine myself being in that position. I hugged him tighter and gave a pat on the back to console him up.

I don’t dare to even walk pass the cubicle. I was really terrified and saddened for what has occurred. I went to the door and stood there while they were leaving. As she was pushed out of her room, with her eyes all teary, she smiled at me and said thank you doctor for the care. I closed my eyes to prevent myself from tearing up and apologise to her for what has occurred and asked her to take care of herself. She nodded and left with a smile.

She was always smiling.

She left the ward smiling as well.

It still impacted me hard on what has occurred.

This is life I guess. We would not know when He will call us. He decides when to give you happiness, and when to take it away. For the past month, I worked for myself. I realised that. I worked for the pay. Today, I realized that I need to work for them. Because you might be the one standing on the thin thread line, between life and death of other person’s life.

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